Overcomers, Inc. Is it possible to find happiness after tragedy to find inner peace when your life is in turmoil?
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Portfolio 10 selected works. In fact, sometimes you enjoy it. Sound crazy? When researchers asked people to score the upside of many different emotions, regret actually beat out pride.
People weighed in on the most common regrets in life, and some of their answers will make you cry
Both regret and disappointment, however, scored much more favorably than anger, guilt, or sadness, surpassing even pride, a positive emotion — showing that individuals do see a value in regret. But can't we learn without the godawful nagging pain? That's the real question.
And the answer is we can. The six biggest regrets fell into the following domains, in descending order: education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure.
If you're curious, the next six were finance, family, health, friends, spirituality, and community. It's a bit surprising that education was the number one regret, but the authors argue this point: "Opportunity breeds regret. Feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment are strongest where the chances for corrective reaction are clearest. Not too surprising, but what can we really learn here? What do these things have in common that causes that terrible gnawing? The research shows we consistently regret missed opportunity. Education, career, relationships… our errors in these domains loom so large because of all the possibilities that might have changed our lives.
A second thing the research confirms is that the old saw is true: you're more likely to regret the things you didn't do.
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Indeed, in the long run, people of every age and in every walk of life seem to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did, which is why the most popular regrets include not going to college, not grasping profitable business opportunities, and not spending enough time with family and friends. Of the top five most common career regrets , four are due to inaction and all five are related to missed opportunity. Why we regret missed opportunities is pretty obvious. We love having options and hate when they go away. But why are the things we don't do so much more painful over time than the things that we actually follow through with?
So it conspires to help you. What does it do? It rationalizes. We humans are rationalizing machines. So when you do something stupid, you feel bad but part of your brain immediately starts digging for silver livings:. I should have left that terrible job sooner… but staying there I really learned a lot about myself. We all do it and it helps us get by. But what happens when you don't do something stupid? When you don't do anything at all? It's hard to learn from experience when there is no experience. It's harder to generate silver linings for things you never did.
Harvard happiness expert Dan Gilbert explains :. But why do people regret inactions more than actions? And this is a big regret down the road for many of us, even though it might seem like a small thing next to family, career, and romance.
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Being a better father or mother. We can all relate to most of these regrets. We can't change the past, so this list isn't meant for you to start a pity party. The question is what are we going to do with the rest of our lives to ensure we don't experience any of these regrets later on when we're in the hospital preparing to say goodbye. If you have some regrets you'd like to share, please leave them below in the comments for all to read.
A good friend or loved one - maybe close to us in age - drops dead unexpectedly. We begin to think about what our biggest regrets would be if we were suddenly sitting on our death bed. Or are you going to go back to your busy life? How do you balance meeting that short-term deadline at work and sitting down for dinner with your family? It's tough. There are always worries.
I'll make it up with the family this weekend. Days turn to months and then years and then decades. Believe it or not, a lot of our biggest regrets in life have to do with things that happened to us in grade 4 or some other early age. We were too scared. And by the way most of us have also met up with a bully in our work life.
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Maybe he was our boss. We remember that one time we wish we'd told him off - even if it cost us our job. We usually take some small solace in hearing that that bully later on made some unfortunate career stumble. There's usually one childhood or high school friend who we were best buddies with.
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Then, one of us moved away. We might have stayed in touch at first but then got busy.
Sometimes, we thought to pick up the phone, but maybe we don't have their number or email any more. We always wonder what it would be like to sit down with them again for a coffee.